8 things I am tired of seeing in the movies....

Cliches… Formulas… whatever terminology you like to call them by, there are certain repeated patterns in films that we’ve all seen a thousands times. Some of those Formulas are fine. For example, the mom who loves her kids… that’s not a stretch and we expect it in normal life, so we expect no less in a movie. However, there are other formulas in films that would have you and I believe they are the norm in real life… when they really aren’t. These can be fine too and not irritate us… but then there are these cliches that I really get sick of and wish more films would avoid.
So now I present to you, in no particular order, the 8 things I’m sick of seeing in movies:
1 – The current boyfriend/husband of the main character’s would be love interest is a total jerk
THE CLICHE: You know what I’m talking about. The “hero” of the film loves a girl, but the girl has a boyfriend. Already you know there is a 97% chance that this boyfriend will end up being a total dick. He yells at her, demeans her, doesn’t respect her. You can’t imagine why on earth she’s with him in the first place… but whatever the reason it doesn’t matter, because you know she’s going to end up with the hero in the end anyway when she finally sees the jerk in question for what he is, and leaves him for the hero.
THE REALITY: Yeah, that girl you dig… well her boyfriend 9 times out of 10 is better looking, funnier, smarter, richer and all round a better person that you… loser.
2 – If a fight breaks out in a bar/restaurant, EVERYONE will jump in
THE CLICHE: Almost without exception, if two people start fighting in a bar or restaurant in a movie, everyone else will join in. Hell, they’ll start swinging at each other for no good reason other than the fact that a couple of other guys seem to be doing. Chalk it up to bar peer pressure I guess.
THE REALITY: I’ve seen my fair share of fights break out at clubs/bars. Not once have I ever seen it get beyond a couple of people before the bouncers end up kicking their drunk asses than throwing them the hell out
3 – No spunk after the hump
THE CLICHE: OK, I don’t mean to sound vulgar or anything (I usually leave that to Doug) but we’ve all seen this a hundred times in movies and we all collectively say under our breath “yeah right”. A couple at some sort of public function or fancy dinner quickly ducks behind a wall, or into another room for a quickie. They go at it practically fully clothed and when they’re “done” they just take a couple of deep breaths, run their fingers through their hair and then return to join the other guests as if nothing happened.
THE REALITY: Sex makes a mess… I’ll just leave it at that.
4 – Terrorists are always considerate enough to have large built in digital count down clocks in their explosives so the hero can know exactly how much time he/she has left
NO FURTHER EXPLANATION NEEDED
5 – Shot in the shoulder? No problem!
THE CLICHE: Usually in action flicks, the hero will take a bullet. But fortunately it didn’t hit his face, or his heart. Usually it’s the shoulder or leg or something like that. When this happens, the hero grimaces for a few moments, then the goes on fighting.
THE REALITY: Guess what. When you’re shot in the leg, you don’t walk anymore. You don’t walk with a limp, or just slowed down… you don’t walk PERIOD. Got shot in the shoulder? Yeah, you can’t throw punches anymore. Every time you even think about breathing you scream like a little girl.
6 – Everyone everywhere knows Morse Code
7 – I know you’re about to say something important, but let me interrupt you with unrelated information that will unwittingly douse what you were about to say
THE CLICHE: Son is out to dinner with his parents and has built up the courage to tell them that he’s gay. He says “Mom, Dad… I want you to know I love you, and that’s why I’ve decided to tell you this very important thing about myself and my life…” The dad suddenly cuts in “Before you go on Nick, have I told you how much I hate fags recently?” Son then changes topics and pretends like the news he was about to give was about a car or something else. This is also done with girl trying to tell boyfriend she’s pregnant. Boy trying to tell girl pal he loves her. The combinations are endless.
THE REALITY: The human race are a bunch of inconsiderate animals… but generally I’ve always found when I say “I’ve got something important to say” and then start telling them what it is… no one has ever suddenly cut me off to mention something totally unrelated.
8 – Delayed information equals certain death
THE CLICHE: Two people are talking in a perfectly good spot when person “A” says to person “B”: “I’ve got to tell you something that will alter the destiny of the human race”. Person “B” is obviously intrigued and asks what this information is. Then, for NO GOOD REASON person “A” says something like: “Not here… meet me later at this other place”. Sure enough, you know that person “A” will be killed before he can ever tell his secret.
THE REALITY: Someone says they know something important… then I’m getting them to tell me right then and there.
You may ask “Joe, why just 8 instead of 10″? Cause I’m breaking the cliche